The Complexity of Choices
by Nikkitaa
Summary: Sam's thoughts about alternate realities... set after the Dr.Carter from "Point of View" has gone back.  Please Read and Review :


_**I OWN NOTHING**_

The military. There had never been a time in Sam Carter's life when she was unsure about her future. There were only two things in life that she had ever been truly passionate about. Science and the Air Force.

She loved the certainty that science provided. Even when faced with things that she didn't understand, or when it came to her life with the Stargate Program, had never thought possible, science was what she relied on, and it had never failed her.

The Air Force provided an outlet for her other passions. She loved the thrill of the unexpected. She loved the satisfaction of proving that she was just as capable as any man, just as physically able. She loved that the Air Force could provide her with this, as well as put her scientific aptitude to practical use.

This was the first time in her entire life that she wasn't sure that she had made the right choices. Seeing the "other" Carter gave her reason to pause, made her realize that there were things that she was missing, things that being in the military MAY have caused her to miss out on.

By nature Sam was a solitary person, always had been, and for the most part that had never really bothered her much. Her work had always come first, and she was fine with that. There had been the odd relationship over the years, but for the most part she found that most men she met were either controlling (like Jonas) or intimidated by her intelligence.

But the other Carter was different, she had clearly found her happiness. And that happiness was in Jack O'Neill. If truth be told, she wasn't as surprised as she should have been. There was no denying that, yes, she did feel something for her commanding officer, but given the state of their working relationship she had never really given it much thought. She had chalked those feelings up to respect and admiration of his courage, not daring to delve any farther into her own subconscious feelings.

Just knowing that there was a reality were such a thing was possible and that there was a version of herself that was capable of acting on it made her uncomfortable. If truth be told it made her think about it, it made her imagine what her life could be. Clearly the other Carter was very much in love, and she could see it.

She could imagine herself with Colonel O'Neill better then she could with anyone else. If she was really being honest with herself, it felt right. At least as right as something that was so beyond the possibilities of this reality could be. The other reality and the life she apparently had there…she wanted it, and no matter how scientifically improbable or how unacceptable (military wise) it was, there was nothing she could do to rid herself of the possibilities that her mind was conjuring.

Thing is, had the other Sam not kissed O'Neill before he left that reality, she may never have noticed it, may never have given it another thought. It would most likely have remained as it had always been. She was a Major, he was a Colonel and her commanding officer. End of Story.

But the feeling she got as her doppelganger pressed her lips to O'Neill's was…not something she ever wanted to feel again. It was a longing, an aching sense of despair and loneliness like nothing she had ever imagined possible.

Scientifically she knew that for the most part everything about the other Samantha Carter was identical to her. They had the same face, body, mind…everything. She also knew, while others did not, that she and the other Sam shared the same basic emotions and emotional responses, that all that set the two realities apart were the choices made.

A part of her knew that had she made different choices, she and Jack could have been together here as well. Had she not joined the air force there were a hundred and one different paths that she could have taken that would lead to the same thing. Her and Jack…together…happy.

And as she sat alone in her lab she was slowly coming to realize that it isn't the choices we make that drive us wild, but the what if's.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading..and I really hope you'll review :)**

**Much Love**

**xox Nichole**


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